The Royal Wedding
|The Dress. Photo credit: Gareth Fuller, AP.|
2:52 a.m. Meredith comments that she's the first college-educated princess-to-be. Whatever will Wills do with a woman who knows her Latin from her libretto?
2:53 a.m. We got a glimpse of the dress! There's a glimpse of the dress! Man the battleship!
2:54 a.m. Matt says, "For the last time, I'm going to say they used to call her 'Weighty Katie.'" Way to stay classy, Lauer.
2:55 a.m. Kate looks quite lovely in her Popemobile...dare I say she's a vision of Diana? Diana Prince, that is. With her hair being worn down, she's looking quite like Wonder Woman.
2:59 a.m. "She's a natural royal" says one of the NBC commentators. Actually, she's not, which is why it took 10 years to vet her before the Queen finally gave in and said, "Fine, Wills, you can marry her." But don't if I do say "Told ya so" when she has her own opinion on things."
3:00 a.m. Her "queen's wave" is only okay...a bit of a limp wrist, like her future father-in-law.
3:02 a.m. Her dress is lovely, modest, and appropriate for a woman who's about to be more an object of the paparazzi than Lindsay Lohan ever was in a millisecond of her undeserved fame.
3:04 a.m. Oh, there's Wills, looking ever so dapper in his "ready to storm Washington Crossing" military garb. Watch out, girls, the British are coming, the British are coming!
|Variety tells us Kate's wearing a Cartier Halo tiara. |
Photo credit: Odd Andersen, AFP/Getty Images.
3:08 a.m. The bride and groom see each other for the first time today.
3:10 a.m. Requisite shot of the Queen, who's looking quite dapper with his husband David Furmish. And another shot of the Queen mum.
3:12 a.m. Eat your hearts out, Del Mar and Kentucky Derby: you could land a 747 on Camilla's hat. (Rumor has it there's a big hat contest following the ceremony at the Laughing Fish chip shop by Scotland Yard in London.)
3:14 a.m. Oh bollocks, the audio's not cued up with the visuals. Where's James Cameron when you need him?
3:15 a.m. It's the dreaded, "Anyone here want to say why these two young cats shouldn't get hitched?" A nation holds it's breath. (And Prince Charles gives Harry the stink eye, a silent agreement that the little ginger doesn't say something smart-ass here.)
3:16 a.m. William Philip Arthur Louie and Catherine Elizabeth are surprisingly holding their shit together. I'm not saying whether there may or may not have been a glass of wine or a Xanax involved, but I'm assuming.
3:17 a.m. For richer and poorer just sounds so much more lovely and proper with a British accent.
3:18 a.m. Man, she's totally rocking the Wonder Woman look.
3:22 a.m. Where's the production quality here? There's no lower third telling me who this prat with the askew ascot is. I'm assuming it's a brother or first cousin twice removed. His wooden resuscitation fits the stiff upper lip thing the Brits are so famous for.
3:24 a.m. I'm not sure, but I think I just caught a glimpse of Joan Rivers on the red carpet. Or it could've been Aunt Gemma.
3:19 a.m. Kate flinches as he says, "You're all husband and wife, yo!" I would, too, if I just inherited that family.
3:22 a.m. Are they married now? There's lots of singing going on. I'm not sure.
3:29 a.m. Lots of singing. Maybe in Latin.
|Queen: "It all goes to hell from here." Duke: "Yes, yes." Photo credit: BBC.|
3:35 a.m. Ooooh, the Queen looks pissed. Or constipated.
3:36 a.m. Chartres throws down Chaucer! (Who, he informs us, is a London poet for those of you playing along at home.) We didn't see that coming, Matt & Meredith. It's one for the ages. It was only a matter of time before the Brits started reminding us how much longer they've been around than us. Commence spoken word poetry slam.
3:42 a.m. More singing, more Latin. When's Elton John's solo? I think he's contractually obligated by the monarchy to perform any time there's a large amount of Royals gathered in one location.
3:46 a.m. Wow, these kids aren't even married and the Church is already talking about them having kids? Talk about pressure.
3:49 a.m. Trafalgar Square is packed like a pub on a Friday night, with I'm pretty sure just as much beer being passed around.
3:51 a.m. Not for nothing, but these kids are going to need more than the spirit of the father, son and holy ghost with them always. I'm thinking 12 armed guards ought to do.
3:52 a.m. Thanks for the nod, old Chaps! The congregation breaks into "My Country 'Tis of Thee." Oh, wait, what? I'm told that's "God Save The Queen" on that side of the pond. My bad.
3:53 a.m. I want a Pippa.
3:54 a.m. They've retired to chambers. The judge must've been upset by the clergy's selection during the poetry slam portion of the ceremony.
3:56 a.m. The gag order on the inane commentary has been lifted, as Matt and Co. begin prattling on again. Apparently the kids aren't being chastised in chambers...they're signing their lives away back there.
|The head poetry slam dude, aka Rt. Rev. Richard Chartres. Photo: BBC.|
3:59 a.m. Breaking news! We see Royal Wedding stubble on one of the grown choir men. Someone didn't get the memo about cleaning up.
4:01 a.m. In response to me wanting a Pippa, a Facebook friend from college (we both lived in England our junior year...she shacked up with a Brit, married him and ended up living there for 10 years) says, "I can't get past the name. The first Pippa I met was the Beatty's labrador and I haven't been able to hear it as a "people" name ever since." Haha!
4:04 a.m. Kate does look lovely. Harry looks bored. Pippa looks terrified.
4:05 a.m. Kate executes a perfectly lovely curtsy to the Queen on her way out. The Queen replies with a perfectly curt nod.
4:06 a.m. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge walk back down the aisle to the Star Wars theme. (At least I'm pretty sure that's what it was.)
4:08 a.m. Wait for the cue...And there she is, your future Queen of England, kids!
4:09 a.m. It's not quite the Oscars, but the amount of pageantry is close
4:11 a.m. As the carriage takes off for Buckingham Palace, the close ups really do show how much Kate and William really are just kids. Good for them for holding up under all the pressure.
4:13 a.m. Matt and Meredith inform us one of the carriage footman is actually a bodyguard. My money's not on the fat one.
4:15 a.m. Kate really is breathtaking...
4:16 a.m. "They're so fortunate because William is not heir to the throne yet." They go on and on about how "normal" their life is going to be. Um...what world do you live in? Nothing, from this point forward, will ever be normal for these two.
4:19 a.m. Some of the Middletons were invited to the ceremony but not the reception? I am shocked, shocked I say!
4:20 a.m. Kate, that wave simply won't do. More queenly and less queeny!
4:22 a.m. I never thought I'd say this in a million years...I'm switching to Fox. They, for once, have the sensibility to keep their traps shut (unlike NBC).
|"I made grandmama promise to wait a week or 2 before haranguing us |
to beginthe process of creating heir, love." Photo: BBC.
4:37 a.m. Fox and everyone else has started looping coverage - switching to CNN for continual live coverage.
4:43 a.m. We find out that Kate removed the word "obey" from the marriage vows...just like Diana did in 1981. Another reason to love this gal.
4:46 a.m. A quick Google search reveals the couple's new titles, released this morning by Buckingham Palace: "The Queen has today been pleased to confer a Dukedom on Prince William of Wales. (He) thus becomes His Royal Highness The Duke of Cambridge and Miss Catherine Middleton on marriage will become Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Cambridge." They've also been given the Scottish titles of Earl and Countess of Strathearn, which may reflect the fact that they met at St Andrews University, and their third title is a Northern Irish one, Baron and Baroness Carrickfergus. That's going to be a long Christmas card title.
5:01 a.m. For those of you playing along at home, we're in a hurry up and wait holding pattern waiting for The Kiss On The Royal Balcony.
5:14 a.m. While we're waiting...did you know the protocol the authorities are following for the Royal Wedding is the same they use for the Queen's funeral? In fact, they're using today as a dry run for her death. No, seriously.
5:20 a.m. A Bosley hair restoration commercial comes on. I'm sure this has nothing to do with poor Will's receding hairline.
5:25 a.m. Kate and William appear on the balcony of Buckingham Palace, and 1 million people clamor to catch her bouquet.
|The Kiss. Photo credit: BBC.|
5:27 a.m. Husband comes downstairs, sees wedding on TV, and quips, "She's the one who's half a Muggle?"
5:28 a.m. William kisses his bride a second time, and says, "That's it, no more." Nice Wills, nice.
5:35 a.m. Anderson Cooper and Piers Morgan are losing their crap over the fact that there was AN UNPRECEDENTED SECOND KISS. Lads, get out more.
5:40 a.m. The end. Go eat, drink, and be merry.
Did you watch? Do you care? What'd you think of the affair?